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On this week’s show, I welcome back Iris Benrubi, a relationship coach at Simply Success. Left to take care of two young children after a divorce, Iris battled the heartbreak and discovered ways to get herself out of her comfort zone and into the dating world. Now, she has made it her mission to help other women escape their fears and get into the relationship of their dreams.
This week, Iris and I discuss a topic that is the starting point of all lasting relationships: how to find love.
Iris’s first tip on how to find love is to know and own your value after a divorce or breakup. The feelings of resignation and desperation can really cloud your perception of yourself. When you realize your own value, you’ll be able to obtain the sense of clarity to determine exactly what it is your looking for and what you can offer in a relationship. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. By giving yourself the power to choose, you’re taking the proper steps to escape the anxiety of getting into new relationships after heartbreak. Take the time to build your confidence and strengthen your ability to choose the man that is right for you.
The second tip for finding love is to increase your ability to trust yourself by connecting with your intuition. Learn about the ways in which your unique body responds to elements of a relationship that either expand or retract your comfort. Does he want to live in a city downtown? Does he not want to have kids? How does that make you feel? Learn to look for the signals that your body is giving off, and don’t ignore them. To help understand your body better, Iris suggests thinking about your past and current relationships—good and bad—and analyzing the things that worked and didn’t work. Afterwards, take a look at how your body reacts. Remember, your intuition can’t point you in the wrong direction. Trust yourself to know what is right and wrong for you.
Iris’s last tip for how to find love is to get clear with the flags that a man is emotionally unavailable—men that don’t follow up or communicate between dates, men that are dismissive, men that are not interested in learning more about you as a potential partner. If a man isn’t asking you questions about yourself or making an attempt to understand you better, recognize his disinterest as a red flag. Address these flags with him—by doing so, you’ll determine whether or not he is actually capable of fulfilling your needs in a relationship. This way, you’ll be able to decide whether to invest your time and emotions into this man.
What do you think about Iris’s dating advice for women on how to find love? Do you have a success story? In the comments below, leave us your thoughts!
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Suzanne Oshima, Matchmaker & Dating Coach at Dream Bachelor & Bachelorette & the Founder of Single in Stilettos () interviews Iris Benrubi.
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